Monday, June 10, 2013

Bruce Almighty's Cavalier Idea

On Tuesday, Bruce Thompson is gonna tell the Virginia Beach City Council what he would like to do with the Old Cavalier site.  We already know that he thinks it would cost "tens of millions" to restore the hotel built in 1926, so I'm gonna go ahead and sound the cav-alarm loud and clear so everybody can get used to it - The Old Cavalier will be demolished.  Smashed to bits.  Then smashed into smaller bits and hauled off to some landfill somewhere, save for a few bricks that end up as doorstops on people's porches, then thrown away or misplaced when they're moved to an assisted living facility.

I'm guessing that most of you have only looked at the Old Cavalier as you zoomed by on Pacific Avenue, so you might want to slow down a little, glance a little longer, and maybe wave at it, because in a short matter of time, it will be totally gone and replaced by a bunch of cool new condos and stuff.  Maybe, and please don't get your hopes up about this, just maybe another Buffalo Wild Wings location.  Would that not totally rock the entire universe?!

All of the rickety houses and dinky motels that have been demolished at the Oceanfront over the last 30 years to make way for brand new hotels and shops and condos are anthills on a sandbar compared to this big bricked daddy.  The crumbling of this "Colosseum O' Cobwebs" will send shock waves from the tip of Knotts Island all the way to that gross sex shop place on Newtown Road letting everyone know - The New Era of Virginia Beach has Dawned. The Past is Meaningless.  Get Over It.  Move back to Wash Woods Wussies.

Want history?  Go to the DeWitt Cottage.  There's never more than 2 people there.  Or go check out the Adam Thoroughgood House.  Sure, the George Thorogood house would be cooler, but he lives in Delaware.  Or, if you want to talk about preserving things, what about Seashore State Park, or First Landing State Park as some weirdos call it.  2,888 acres of somewhat pristine, undeveloped, moss dangling all in your face nature.  Go run around, ride your bike, or wade up to your ankles in the gross water.  Have a blast.  Just don't get caught up in any weird Navy murder/suicide thing.

This is now baby.  We are in the future.  Let's do this.  I anxiously await what Bruce Thompson proposes.  It's gonna give lots of people lots of things to do, there will probably be awesome wi-fi all over what ever it is, and in 2100, a bunch of people will get sentimental and try to save it from being torn down and replaced with something even better!

Monday, April 29, 2013

All Logged Up Again

I was enjoying my retirement from this blog when things went all cuckoo at the Oceanfront this past weekend.  I'll start posting things on a more regular basis now.  It's the least I can do.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The WORST of Hampton Roads 2012 - Official LOSER

The end of the year is here and, according to my Aztec neighbor, the end of time.  If she's right, I want to do this one last post quickly, so I can get back to watching television. Unfortunately, there is no long list of losers like last year's "Worst of".  That took a lot of time. Lots and lots of time.  Too long.  So, this year I've boiled all the dumb, worst things from around the area, collected the steam, boiled the steam, evaporated it, and collected the one single worst drop of local embarrassment, shame, and confusion.

Ladies and gentle, nonviolent men - I present to you 2012's Worst of Hampton Roads Loser, Virginia Beach  City Councilman John Edward Uhrin....

Seems that a neighbor saw John hit his wife a few times and knocked her down in front of their house in the 200 block of Indian Avenue in Shadowlawn in early October 2012.  Uh-oh.  Is the neighbor lying?  Is there some longstanding feud between John and his neighbors over a gumball tree?  Or is the neighbor jealous of John's glamorous life as a "hotel manager"?  The Uhrins denied the assault but did admit that they created a "public spectacle".  Cool.  The city councilman and his wife were yelling at each other in their front yard.  They said they were at a wedding earlier, so I'm guessing they both had a gallon or two of white wine spritzer in them.

The story hit the internet airwaves and spread all over the universe pretty fast.  

His mugshot popped up all over the internet.  You could not escape his tussled hair, blurry-eyed, gold necklaced head anywhere you went online!

Of course everything was smoothed over, charges were dropped and everything was perfect again.  But look closely at this photo.  Study the subliminal face language here.  Who looks controlling and demanding?  Who looks bewildered and unsure?  Hmmmmm.   Something seems askew.

We all have drunken arguments sometimes, but after one or two outside, you realize that you are definitely going to have a longer, more satisfying argument if you're indoors.  You can yell and scream and smash stuff and slam doors and load the dishwasher all amped up.  C'mon, John!  Most people learn that by the time they're 30!

Eventually, the media breeze ebbed until it died and the story was forgotten.  That's why I've chosen to honor it here.  So it can be easily referenced until the end of time.  Which is a few minutes away now.

If nothing at all crazy happened, why was Catherine Uhrin stopped by police driving away from her house?  Wow.  Who knows?  I won't go into any other alleged embarrassing and gross details about Mr. Uhrin, but is this kind of story you want your city councilman to be related to in any slight fraction of a degree?  I want my councilpeople to live honorable lives. Dignified lives with no neighborly feuds of any kind.  If there is a neighbor that doesn't see eye to eye with you on something, extend the olive branch, be the distinguished one and calmly discuss your issues over some back porch Bud Lights.  That is the Shadowlawn way.  I want city council members to be loved by all their neighbors.  And their neighbor's relatives that live in other states.  And, most importantly, I want all members of my local government to have warm, caring smiles that make my worries disappear into thin, salty air.  Not this "uncomfortable forced lip movement and tooth display thing".

And don't pick your nose in public, ladies.  It's gross. 

Goodbye everyone.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Diplomat Down

If you want to hug The Diplomat and say your goodbyes to another plot of sand on the beach that won't see sunlight after noon because a crisp, new mega-hotel will block it out - do it fast. It's crumblin' time!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mount Trashmore - Haiku Review

I've haiku reviewed restaurants and thrift stores before, so why not local attractions?

Mound of rotting trash
Coke machine protected by
Angry metal cage

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Shriney Happy People

Have you ever seen a Shriner's Parade?  I have.  Many.  There was one today on Atlantic Avenue.   I swear  I could keep what I saw at this year's parade a secret, but I won't.

Here's pretty much everything that you need to see to be able to tell your friends, "Yes, I have seen a Shriner's Parade".  But remember, it's more in how you say it that will convince your friends that you were actually there.  Keep a straight face and maintain eye contact through the duration of the entire sentence.

And that's it.  Amazing, huh?

After the parade they go get drunker and by nightfall there's all sorts of mischief going on.  Talk to somebody that's waited on a table full of Shriner's the afternoon of the parade.  Wowza.  Talk to somebody that's worked security or the front desk at a hotel the night of the parade.  Yep.    

(Sometimes the clown makeup stays on the whole weekend)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Surf-render: Cheap Trick in Concert, Virginia Beach - September 1, 2012

Cheap Trick played on the beach as part of the American Music Festival and here's what everybody looked like.

Here's one of Rick Neilsen's 23,000 guitars.

Remember - if you don't want to rub up against all the sweaty people and you don't mind being unable to purchase overpriced beer, just stand on the small dune near the shore.  It's FREE!

Here's what you do:  Stroll onto the beach at about 11th Street or so, walk directly to the shore, walk towards the music (this is important), and when you're in sight of the 5th Street stage, saunter on up to the outskirts of the crowd and enjoy.   

Friday, August 31, 2012

Surf On Loosely - .38 Special in Concert, Virginia Beach - Aug 31, 2012

.38 Special played on the beach at night as part of The American Music Festival last night and here's what everybody looked like.

Donnie Van Zant, the middle Van Zant brother, is currently on hiatus from singing with the band, so getting to hear him sing was a real treat for all of us beer battered, deep fried Southern Rock aficionados

And yep - they saved "Hold On Loosely" for last.  Only an idiot would expect it first.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Crowd Surfing: Beach Boys in Concert, Virginia Beach - July 3, 2012

The Beach Boys played on Independence Day Eve in Virginia Beach and this is what everybody looked like.

And here's what the band looked like.

I won't go into a full show review or moan about how they were augmented by 17 other musicians/vocalists on stage, but I will say that I'm glad I went.  I can do one "amphitheater show" a year.  There is no system to the exit parking strategy, tall beers were $11 each, and I'm not a fan the mandatory security pat down when you enter.  But, it was fun.  Fun?  Fun!