Thursday, December 20, 2012

The WORST of Hampton Roads 2012 - Official LOSER

The end of the year is here and, according to my Aztec neighbor, the end of time.  If she's right, I want to do this one last post quickly, so I can get back to watching television. Unfortunately, there is no long list of losers like last year's "Worst of".  That took a lot of time. Lots and lots of time.  Too long.  So, this year I've boiled all the dumb, worst things from around the area, collected the steam, boiled the steam, evaporated it, and collected the one single worst drop of local embarrassment, shame, and confusion.

Ladies and gentle, nonviolent men - I present to you 2012's Worst of Hampton Roads Loser, Virginia Beach  City Councilman John Edward Uhrin....

Seems that a neighbor saw John hit his wife a few times and knocked her down in front of their house in the 200 block of Indian Avenue in Shadowlawn in early October 2012.  Uh-oh.  Is the neighbor lying?  Is there some longstanding feud between John and his neighbors over a gumball tree?  Or is the neighbor jealous of John's glamorous life as a "hotel manager"?  The Uhrins denied the assault but did admit that they created a "public spectacle".  Cool.  The city councilman and his wife were yelling at each other in their front yard.  They said they were at a wedding earlier, so I'm guessing they both had a gallon or two of white wine spritzer in them.

The story hit the internet airwaves and spread all over the universe pretty fast.  

His mugshot popped up all over the internet.  You could not escape his tussled hair, blurry-eyed, gold necklaced head anywhere you went online!

Of course everything was smoothed over, charges were dropped and everything was perfect again.  But look closely at this photo.  Study the subliminal face language here.  Who looks controlling and demanding?  Who looks bewildered and unsure?  Hmmmmm.   Something seems askew.

We all have drunken arguments sometimes, but after one or two outside, you realize that you are definitely going to have a longer, more satisfying argument if you're indoors.  You can yell and scream and smash stuff and slam doors and load the dishwasher all amped up.  C'mon, John!  Most people learn that by the time they're 30!

Eventually, the media breeze ebbed until it died and the story was forgotten.  That's why I've chosen to honor it here.  So it can be easily referenced until the end of time.  Which is a few minutes away now.

If nothing at all crazy happened, why was Catherine Uhrin stopped by police driving away from her house?  Wow.  Who knows?  I won't go into any other alleged embarrassing and gross details about Mr. Uhrin, but is this kind of story you want your city councilman to be related to in any slight fraction of a degree?  I want my councilpeople to live honorable lives. Dignified lives with no neighborly feuds of any kind.  If there is a neighbor that doesn't see eye to eye with you on something, extend the olive branch, be the distinguished one and calmly discuss your issues over some back porch Bud Lights.  That is the Shadowlawn way.  I want city council members to be loved by all their neighbors.  And their neighbor's relatives that live in other states.  And, most importantly, I want all members of my local government to have warm, caring smiles that make my worries disappear into thin, salty air.  Not this "uncomfortable forced lip movement and tooth display thing".

And don't pick your nose in public, ladies.  It's gross. 

Goodbye everyone.